Here is a pathetic PJ.
Question: How does Al Gore practise birth control ?
Got it ? I won't be surprised if this hilarious joke makes it to rec.humor.funny.
And here is a trivia question:
What is the actual name of Gabbar Singh in Sholay ? (Hint: It is NOT Gabbar Singh)
I don't know Charlie, if the host country will win a medal at least this year, almost seventy years after they last won a medal. Their dream team may not even do well in the Gulli Danda competition, since India is a poor country and they can hardly afford these modern titanium tipped dandas...
Charlie, it is a scene to behold. Over six million people in the stadium. They are not just spectators. They live there. And what a human interest story it is Charlie, P. T. Usha coming out of retirement and making it to the Indian Olympic team............."
"Do you know uncleji, you can get these in any drugstore for a dollar in the USA ?"
"Hee hee, my son in law told me he went to ten shops and could not find it. Besides, his size is so weird, he can't find anything in the US. Nothing like Bata Hawaii chappals."
"And it is going to cost me three dollars to mail this. It does not make economic sense."
"My son in law is a big engineer there in New Jersey. He will pay you back."
After I got back, I never sent the slippers, putting it as the three hundredth item on my List of things to do. Sure enough the son in law, who I had never seen before, called me up one day. He didn't mince words.
"Can you send me those chappals soon please ?"
"Why ? Are your feet growing ?"
"No, no see. My old chappals broke. You know, we don't have mochis here. At least, do you know what color they are ?"
"I think the left one is blue and the right one is red."
"Stop kidding. You can just send it with a note that the postage will be paid by me."
"Sure, Then I will also send along a couple of 'Yellow pages' with the slippers if you are going to pay".
Of course, I never did send the pair of slippers. They are now available to the highest bidder from SCI. The catch is, you have to come and get it and if your feet are too big, you should be ready to sandpaper your insteps.
1 1/2 cup basmati rice (no substitute)
1 stick butter
4 onions, cut in large bits, about 3/4 inch to a side.
1 handful raw cashew nuts broken into halves or smaller
1 cup of thawed carrots and peas
2 sticks of cinnamon.
(When reheating the next day, do it slowly, because the butter would have congealed)
"Mr. Abid Hussain, the Indian ambassador, I know him very well. Abidji is a great intellectual. You know the Pakistani ambassador's name is Mrs. Abida Hussain and people often confuse the two ambassadors. Auntie, my wife, knows Mrs Abid Hussain very well....."
"You are talking about Mira Nair ? I know that girl very well. Her father and I are family friends. He is in the jail administration in Orissa. ... And Satyajit Ray. I know him very well. But you know, he can be obnoxious and arrogant sometime when you talked to him in person. But he is a great filmmaker..."
"And Hargobind ? I know Hargobind Khurana very well. He and I and some other guys were the original bunch who started the Indian Federation in this country. I know everyone on the East coast. ....I was just talking to my great friend in India the other day. He is in the planning commission. I know him very well....And Deb Chatterjee, the Samaritan, I know him very well."
A few days later, we were talking something technical at work and somebody mentioned the name of this Indian scientist in New Mexico who is working on corrosion of exotic materials. That scientist was sure enough Uncleji ! I butted in. "Oh, him. Dr. Varma. I know him VERY WELL. We just had dinner the other day ....." I must be very old too.
Central to this small country is a royal palace, with T shirt shops right on the palace grounds. There were several menacing looking cannons and cannonballs, all strategically pointing toward - downtown Monte Carlo ! At around noon every day, the 'Change of palace guards' takes place for the tourists. Ten of the burliest bums with beer bellies march awkwardly to a tune and swap places with ten other bums. When I was there, the princess had called up a tabloid and announced that she was pregnant out of wedlock and the father was a palace bodyguard, giving a whole new meaning to the word 'bodyguard'. The citizens of the principality, among the richest in the world, had one more embarrassment.
Also, peppered along the country, which is only slightly larger than my living room, were several huge and ugly statues. (The only place where I had seen more grotesque statues was on the campus of BITS Pilani) There were statues of 'Cigarette smoking woman', 'Sitting woman' and 'Adam and Eve'. Whoever sculpted the 'Adam and Eve', in his moment of sculptural humor, also appended the stone Adam with bronze genitals.