by Ramesh Mahadevan

The S.C.I is getting very poetic these days, what with all these translations of erotic sanskrit poems. So, one sure to way get readers' attention is to post your bboard messages in the form of verses. Here are some samples.

Finding A Missing Person
Dear Rajiv Gupta
These days, what are you upta ?
I haven't seen you since age three
I used to beat you to a pulp behind that tree
You went to the Little Flower school
Where you played the fool
So you ended up in IIT Cawnpore
Me, in the back waters of Coimbatore
Readers, he is hiding in some univ here
And for a case of beer
Would you track down the poor bugger
And get me his cute sister's phone number ?

Test Message
This is a test message
Oh, desi folks, this is only a test message
Your blood pressure will hit a new high
You will send me a flame and one to SCI
You will list the netiquette
Someone else will call you a bigot
It is this chain reaction I am testing my buddies
'Cause, with net posting, I am completely at ease.

To All The Alumni Past And Future
To all the alumni of the MIT
(The one in South Bihar, not the fake one in this country
Our famous Muzaffarpur Institute of Technolozhy)
Let us form association, to others I owe apolozhy
Let us remember good old days, they were groovies
Aren't you missing the 'Kuans' and the Shatrughan movies
The time when we actually had a final eggjam
And when philter phags first came to our gram.
So alumni, respond without fail
Both the three of you send me mail.

Gandhian Approach - A Poem A La Murthy Gandhikota
Gandhi, you forgotten soul of destiny
Your principles are gone, if any
Most IIT bred, graduate students here
Are not your worthy sons, for sure
They eat meat; they drink;
You are finished like the tyranosarous rex.
The only Gandhian principle they adhere to
Is abstinence, your approach to sex.

Vivacious, virtuous, virginal, vitriol
Vorkaholic, virulent, vibing, vampire
Violet, violent, vital, virtual
Vilifying, vying, varying, vanishing.

An Erotic Ancient Sanskrit Poem
Your breasts are like full-grown mangoes.
On a land inhabited by parrots
Why are you so shy, my moon-face ?
Is it the cool air or your usual tease ?
Or is it the 'soma' drink, you mountain rain ?
Oh, why is this expression of mild pain ?
Is this starry night hurting you, tell your lover
Wouldn't you answer me, my delicate flower ?

Buzz off, you crocodile face
I am not the girl you have in mind
I am her chaparoning auntie, are you blind ?
Stop this alcoholic indulgence
And stop doing research in Artificial Intelligence

Cricket Trivial Pursuee
I know the scores of scores of matches
The 1966 tests between India and the Windies
The vocabulary of all test commentators
The results of Assam vs Bihar Ranji game
I am going to organize cricket clubs here
And educate the Yanks about its glory
And import the willow bats here
I am compiling the list of three greatest batsmen
When I am done with it,
I will compile a list of hundred great leg spinners
I collected Fruitee cricket cards
And two boxes of newspaper clippings
I'll write a comparative essay on all stadia
My education will be complete
My information consummate
Should anyone in the netland know
The names of all the Sala Amarnaths ?

List Of Baby Names
We just got one of 'em cute things with ultra-smooth bottoms
A bundle of high energy
Well he doesn't look very human now
In a while, we won't be able to sleep at nights
Or visit friends without making excuses
Every two days he will fall ill and we run to the doctors
Our friends will be tired of our baby stories
He will be shorter and dumber than Reddy's kid
And will fight with me every day pretty soon.
He might fail in school and marry a midget
Shoot cocaine or impregnate women
Worse still, he may be a copy of me
And Jeez, my son will be an abominable ABCD
So suggest a name that would fit our darned little son
(And 'Ramesh' is anyways out of the question)

A Green Card Question
Say, what's the deal with this Green card ?
I want to hold it too.
Why are they making it pink ?
Would that still be okay in India ?
I am a new arrival, but don't mind getting into these things
Because in my case
I tried offering a dowry
I also tried fudging my horoscope
(But the punditji never heard of the neptune)
I am handsomer than perhaps only Jagjivan Ram
And so I like to know more about this Green Card thing
I'm told that this is my only hope for a marriage.

There is this irritating young fellow
Whose name rhymes with Armadillo
Clitoris he loves; Islam he hates
Anything logical he negates
And, his brains helped invent the Jello

Non Veg-Veg-Anchoviegetarian Debate Folks can be divided into two categories
Vegetarians and non-vegetarians.
Vegetarians themselves into two groups
Pure vegetarians and eggetarians
Pure vegetarians can be split into two categories
Those who take garlic and those who don't
Those who don't eat garlic can be divided into two groups
Those who eat roots(potatoes and onions) and those who don't
Those who don't, fall into two categories
Those who only eat fresh food and those who eat frozen too.
Those who eat fresh food form two categories
Those who'd never eat in other people's home and those who do
Those who don't eat in other peoples' fall into two groups
My grandfather and my cow.

Copyright(R) Mahadevan Ramesh